Love What does it look like again? I’ve forgotten And That just breaks a heart again That heart’s mine not forgotten It just needs a little attention Not forgotten Love it looks like this…
It’s self care not the kind That’s just sleep Or feeding yourself But the nourishment of That forgotten love That forgotten love It’s you it’s you It’s you…its you…it’s you it’s you
Love What does it look like again? I’ve forgotten And That just breaks a heart again That heart’s mine not forgotten It just needs a little attention Not forgotten Love it looks like this…
It’s considerate loves The things that make you you You you you you you And you you grow Grow so much it makes your heart Explode yet imploding and holding you in that too
Love What does it look like again? I’ve forgotten And That just breaks a heart again That heart’s mine not forgotten It just needs a little attention Not forgotten Love it looks like this…
Not pink ribbons But the sticky bits underneath When it’s difficult and ones A rock when the other can’t be It’s intangible it’s a tangible thing that’s visible that others don’t see But they do You do That’s what love looks like again
Love What does it look like again? I remember And That just breaks a heart again That heart’s still mine not forgotten It just needs a little attention Not forgotten Love it looks like…. Mutual respect and admiration Self love self care and Self respecting’ feeling safe to share my lived in
Experience…. I remember what love looks like again Yeah that’s what love looks like again.
Eljai Morais Insta @black_lives_natter The music is he Tourist - Chilly Gonzales
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In England and Wales, one in four girls and one in six boys are sexually abused. If you think that figure is frightening, those of us who work and research in the field feel it’s even higher, judging by the number of people who come forward to us and organisations like Little Ro or Survivors’ Voices.
With such staggering statistics, why aren’t we enraged as a society? On a recent journey from York to Stevenage, I delved into this question with three insightful ladies. They suggested that being overwhelmed, ashamed, and lacking support are significant barriers.
So, let’s look at these factors.
Overwhelm
Disbelief is a natural response; it’s unimaginable to think that something so devastating could happen to your child. Parents might grapple with questions like, “How did I not see this?” or “Could I have prevented it?” This emotional overload can lead to feelings of paralysis, making it difficult to take the following steps towards healing.
The sheer weight of processing such a traumatic event can consume a parent’s thoughts and energy. It’s not just about coping with their own emotions but also about supporting their child through an incredibly tough time. The path ahead might seem unclear, filled with uncertainty and fear.
Shame
Shame often accompanies overwhelm. There’s a societal stigma surrounding abuse that can make parents feel isolated. They may worry about judgement from others or fear that their parenting will be scrutinised. This sense of shame can be so powerful that it silences them, preventing them from reaching out for much-needed support.
It’s important to remember that abuse is never the fault of the victim or their family. Yet, shame can make it hard to see this truth. Breaking through this barrier is crucial for healing, both for the child and the parents.
Lack of Support
When parents find the courage to seek help, they often encounter a lack of resources. Counselling waiting lists can be long, and specialised services might need to be more readily available. This scarcity can make families feel abandoned when they are most vulnerable.
Community support systems sometimes fall short, leaving parents to navigate the complex emotional and legal landscapes on their own. This gap in support hinders healing and can exacerbate feelings of overwhelm and shame.
Moving Forward Together
So, how can we, as a society, better support these parents?
Increase Awareness: By openly discussing the realities of abuse, we can reduce stigma and encourage more families to seek help.
Build Support Networks: Communities can establish support groups where parents can share experiences and resources in a safe environment. We offer an excellent training course for parents who want to set up peer facilitation groups.
Improve Access to Resources: Advocacy for better funding and availability of counselling and trauma healing services can make a significant difference.
Foster Open Communication: Encouraging open dialogue within families can help prevent abuse and ensure that if it does occur, it’s reported and addressed promptly.
One key aspect often overlooked is the importance of fostering open communication within families. By creating a safe space where members feel heard and valued, families can address concerns before they escalate and build resilience against misunderstandings or harmful behaviours. Open dialogue not only strengthens trust but also equips individuals with the tools to navigate conflict constructively, reducing the risk of abuse.
Encouraging families to prioritise communication is especially critical for survivors of trauma, as it helps to rebuild broken trust and establish healthier dynamics. By championing this approach, organisations and communities can support a culture where respect and mutual understanding thrive.
Conclusion
No parent should have to face the aftermath of their child’s abuse alone. By understanding the overwhelm, shame, and lack of support that many parents experience, we can begin to create a more compassionate and responsive society.
Let’s stand together to support these families. Through empathy, education, and action, we can help alleviate their burden and pave the way for healing. It’s time to turn our collective outrage into meaningful change, ensuring that every parent and child has the support they need.
Now is the time to act. Share this post to raise awareness, leave a comment to join the conversation, or reach out to support organisations if you or someone you know needs help. Your voice can make a difference.
About the Author
Roz Etwaria is a dedicated DE&I Strategist, Transformational Leadership Coach, and Project Leader at LittleRo.org. She specialises in trauma research and support, with a particular focus on empowering survivors, especially people of colour. Through her work, Roz helps organisations unlock the potential of diverse teams, fostering cultures of high performance rooted in equity.
Roz’s unique combination of lived experience and professional expertise has enabled numerous organisations to build more inclusive workplaces. Her approach promotes personal growth while driving meaningful business outcomes. An accomplished speaker and consultant, Roz is a passionate advocate for justice, inclusivity, and the reclamation of personal narratives.
For Roz, this work is more than a career—it’s a mission to inspire lasting change. Connect with Roz on LinkedIn or visit RozEtwaria.com to learn how to cultivate a truly inclusive culture.
We warmly invite you to join our vibrant community by sharing your valuable insights and contributing a guest post. Your unique perspective is a valuable addition to our platform.
If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma, don’t hesitate to contact us to be part of our trauma support groups or contact mental health professionals for guidance and assistance. You’re not alone on this healing journey.
The recent resignation of Justin Welby as Archbishop of Canterbury, amidst allegations that he failed to act against a former priest accused of child abuse, has rightly sparked public outrage. The sense of betrayal is palpable as we witness yet another institutional figure failing to protect children. However, while this instance of institutional abuse is horrific, it is crucial we also confront the reality that most child sexual abuse occurs far closer to home.
The stark truth is that child sexual abuse is pervasive not just within the walls of religious or celebrity institutions but within ordinary households. Statistics suggest that one in four girls and one in six boys experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18, though experts believe the true figures are likely higher. And most of these abuses occur within the home – not at the altar or in the public spotlight.
Yet, society’s response to these everyday horrors often feels muted. High-profile cases command our attention and outrage, but the silent suffering in households nationwide too frequently goes unaddressed. If we could channel our collective energy into acknowledging and tackling the abuse that takes place within families, we might also drive meaningful change within larger institutions.
The Historical Roots of Abuse
The failure to address child sexual abuse, particularly within the home, is not a recent phenomenon but is deeply rooted in societal history. During the era of slavery, for example, the exploitation of vulnerable individuals was systemic. Enslaved women and children were often subjected to sexual abuse by those in power, with little to no accountability. This exploitation was not only about dominance but also served economic interests, as enslaved children born from such abuse became property of the enslavers.
Although slavery was abolished, the attitudes that normalised these abuses did not simply disappear. Instead, they persisted, transforming into other forms of exploitation. Power dynamics within families and communities continue to enable abuse to thrive in silence. Recognising this historical context reminds us that child sexual abuse is not just an individual or familial issue—it is also a societal one with roots in entrenched systems of power and control.
Addressing the Issue
Addressing child sexual abuse requires that we shift our focus and take decisive actions. A few critical areas demand attention:
Raising Awareness: We must broaden public understanding and ensure that society recognises the extent and severity of abuse happening within households. This means making it part of public discourse, no longer hiding behind a taboo that has shielded it from full exposure.
Education for Empowerment: Children must be equipped with the knowledge to understand consent and the confidence to speak out. Comprehensive education programmes that address these topics sensitively and thoroughly are essential to
Support for Survivors: As a trauma specialist, researcher into child sexual abuse, and project holder at Little Ro, I witness daily the devastating effects of child rape. The wounding that our children grow up with often shapes their entire lives, and I see firsthand how these adult children struggle with relationships, self-worth, and navigating the world. Survivors carry burdens they should never have had to bear, and the silence surrounding this issue only compounds their pain.
We run support groups for adult survivors, providing a safe space to share, heal, and reclaim their sense of self-worth. At Little Ro, we champion support for ‘adult children of abuse’ and are committed to helping survivors overcome trauma and rebuild their lives.
Policy and Enforcement: Finally, we need robust policies and dedicated enforcement to hold perpetrators accountable, regardless of their family or community standing.
Taking Action
By acknowledging the historical roots of child sexual abuse and confronting it head-on within the home, we can work towards a society where all children are safe, not only within institutions but, most importantly, within their own families. At Little Ro, we campaign for change and provide crucial support for survivors, helping to break cycles of silence and harm.
What You Can Do
Share this article: Help spread awareness by sharing this article on social media.
Support organisations like Little Ro: Donate to or volunteer with organisations that support survivors of child sexual abuse.
Talk to your children: Have open and honest conversations with your children about healthy relationships and body safety.
Get involved: Advocate for policies that protect children and hold perpetrators accountable.
Together, we can create a safer future for all children.
About the Author
Roz Etwaria is a dedicated advocate for social justice and a leader in creating inclusive environments. Her work spans two vital areas:
Project Leader at Little Ro: As the Project Holder at LittleRo.org, Roz is committed to providing Help, Hope, and Healing for survivors of child sexual abuse. Little Ro delivers peer support, research, advocacy, and education and fights the stigma surrounding abuse.
DE&I Strategist and Leadership Coach: Roz helps organisations unlock the potential of diverse teams, building equity and high-performance cultures. Drawing on her lived experience and professional expertise, she champions inclusivity, particularly for people of colour.
Roz’s journey fuels her mission to drive meaningful change. As a sought-after speaker and consultant, she inspires justice, empowerment, and the reclamation of personal narratives. For Roz, this work is not just a career—it’s a calling.
Connect with Roz:
Website: RozEtwaria.com – Explore her insights on fostering inclusive cultures and supporting survivors.
We warmly invite you to join our vibrant community by sharing your valuable insights and contributing a guest post. Your unique perspective is a valuable addition to our platform.
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Today, as I celebrate 14 years of freedom, courage, resilience, and new beginnings, I find myself thinking of you. Coincidentally, while lost and walking, I ended up at the hostel you found for me to stay 14 years ago. You know I don’t believe in coincidences. It reminded me of the generosity they showed by letting me stay for free until I found a safe home when my one-year dual housing benefit that you fought for ended. Throughout my journey, I have encountered many people like you who have gone beyond the call of duty.
As I reflect on this journey, I can’t help but wonder if you would be proud of me. Most days, I forget to be grateful for being accepted into three universities despite being the girl who hadn’t finished primary school and had never been to high school. Instead, I complain that I am still studying, just like when we first met 14 years ago. While I still value my worth in my grades, I am slowly learning to value my effort and passing. I continue passing with remarkable grades, regardless of what life throws at me. Yet, I wonder if you could see me now—would you be proud of the effort, time, and care you invested in me?
I keep finding myself in a place where I feel I have nothing concrete to show for these past 14 years, even though I’ve found faith and changed longstanding family and cultural traditions for new generations of women in my family. I often forget to feel proud of myself, to see how smart I am, to trust myself, or to acknowledge all I’ve accomplished to get here. I still lament being single and not having a biological baby at 36, reflecting on the past 14 years. I wonder if you could see me now—would you be proud of the effort, time, and care you invested in me?
Despite learning so much about human behavior, I still find it hard to understand humans and many aspects of life. Yet, babies and children adore me. I have learned to trust the opposite sex and show compassion to others. I wonder if you could see me now—would you be proud of the effort, time, and care you invested in me?
In the midst of all this, I often forget that I have won the war. Today, I live in a home where I feel safe, and I can rest without guilt. I can wear whatever I want, walk the streets without fear, and I don’t panic at the thought of people knowing my name or address. I remain a part of my siblings’ lives and their children, and I have made peace with my parents. My anger has transformed into empathy, and I haven’t lost my sense of humor. Yet, I still wonder if you could see me now—would you be proud of the effort, time, and care you invested in me?
Although I am not sure what your answer would have been, I will continue to strive to leave every place I go better than I found it, showing care, compassion, and empathy to everyone I encounter, even the difficult ones. I will continue to give back all the care, humanity, and dedication that has been shown to me. Every year on this day, I will remember you and all the women who went above and beyond for me, thanking them for their support. I will also continue to express my gratitude to God for His mercy and grace. I will strive to honor all the effort, time, and care you have shown me, and I promise to make you proud.
I am incredibly grateful for you, wherever you are, and for all my support network. Thank you for being one of my points of light.
I will leave you with one of my favorite song quotes: “If you see what’s wrong and you try to make it right, you will be a point of light.” — Randy Travis
With all my love, H
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If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma, don’t hesitate to contact us to be part of our trauma support groups or contact mental health professionals for guidance and assistance. You’re not alone on this healing journey.
Every year, millions of children are exploited. Yet, the language we use often fails to reflect the seriousness of these crimes. Recently, high-profile cases, like that of Huw Edwards, have exposed a critical issue: how we describe child abuse and exploitation. The term “child pornography” is not only misleading but also harmful. Therefore, we need to change it now.
The Problem with ‘Child Pornography’
The word “pornography” suggests consent and, in some contexts, entertainment. However, when it comes to children, consent is impossible. Predators regularly groom, manipulate, and coerce children into abusive situations. Grooming strips children of autonomy, making it clear that these acts are always exploitative, not consensual.
Moreover, using the term “child pornography” reduces the severity of the crime. It frames these heinous acts as though they were just another type of adult material. In reality, these images and videos document the abuse and exploitation of children who are incapable of giving consent.
The Power of Words
Language shapes how we think, respond, and act. Therefore, terms like “child abuse images” or “child sexual abuse material” (CSAM) far more accurately reflect the true nature of these crimes. Specifically, they highlight that these materials are not illicit content but clear evidence of abuse. Words matter because the language we choose must reflect the gravity of the crime and the deep harm inflicted on child victims.
A Trauma-Informed Perspective
In my work running support groups and specialising in trauma, I constantly see the devastating and long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse. These crimes are not victimless. On the contrary, they leave scars that often last a lifetime. The term “child pornography” fails to capture this reality. As a result, it re-traumatises survivors and diminishes the severity of their suffering.
Furthermore, grooming plays a significant role in this abuse. Predators manipulate children into exploitation, which further proves that these acts are never consensual. Thus, using the correct language ensures that we respect and honour the experiences of those affected.
The Urgency of Change
The term “child pornography” is deeply ingrained in both media and legal discourse. However, it is essential that we challenge it. The language we use directly influences how these crimes are addressed in courtrooms, policy discussions, and by the public. By shifting to terms like “child abuse images” or “child sexual abuse material,” we can finally reflect the seriousness of the crimes. This will help maintain focus on protecting children and holding offenders accountable.
How You Can Help
To drive this change, I urge you to take action in several ways:
Write to Editors: First, contact the editors of newspapers, journals, and media outlets. Advocate for the use of terms like “child abuse images” or “child sexual abuse material” instead of “child pornography.”
Join Advocacy Groups: Next, get involved with organisations working to combat child exploitation and support survivors. Your participation can, in fact, make a significant difference.
Share on Social Media: Finally, spread the word by sharing this post on your social media platforms. Raising awareness is crucial to changing the narrative and influencing public opinion.
These terms highlight the abuse, exploitation, and trauma inflicted on children. Your voice can, therefore, help shift the narrative. Together, we can foster a culture of zero tolerance for child exploitation and ensure that every child’s experience is treated with the seriousness and respect it deserves.
Thank you for your support and advocacy.
Note: We run peer support trauma groups for survivors of child sexual abuse and sexual violence. These groups provide a safe, supportive space for individuals to share their experiences, find healing, and receive guidance from those who understand their journey. If you or someone you know is affected, please reach out for support.
About the Author: Roz Etwaria specialises in Abuse, Black Trauma, and Wellness. Her work focuses on providing support and resources to individuals who have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, with a particular emphasis on amplifying the Black voice. Roz advocates for safe spaces where marginalised communities can heal, grow, and feel alive. Connect with Roz on LinkedIn
We warmly invite you to join our vibrant community by sharing your valuable insights and contributing a guest post. Your unique perspective is a valuable addition to our platform.
If you or someone you know is struggling with trauma, don’t hesitate to contact us to be part of our trauma support groups or contact mental health professionals for guidance and assistance. You’re not alone on this healing journey.
